Why Am I Here

Before you start reading this page on why I am here, let me offer a few suggestions. Grab a cup of coffee or whatever helps you get comfortable. Second, get up and take a quick stretch before sitting back down again. You will need both of these since this is the longest page on this site. Only the Site Privacy Policy comes close, lawyers do have a tendency to be wordy. If you’re curious about your privacy on this site, you can review the legal stuff here.

Settled in? Let’s start.

First A Confession

I have been ignoring God most of my life. Not so much God but ignoring His voice. I was afraid that if I heard God, I would have to respond. In fairness, I did respond those times I heard Him. I convinced myself it wasn’t God. I definitely never heard God the way my Christian friends did. They would tell me God said this, Jesus said that, and the Holy Spirit gave them such and such. In my prayer life I felt benched, waiting for God to call me out on the field.

I left those prayer times only to find something nagging me later on. You know the feeling. A reminder in the back of your mind that you forgot something, to do something. Like when my wife asks me to stop on the way home for a few things. Of course, the first thing out of my mouth when I got home was, “Shoot, I forgot to get it”. Just entering the house reminded me of the forgotten task. In hindsight, those nagging feelings may have been where God asked me to do something but due to the busyness around me, forgotten. Not to mention I was only listening with half an ear at the time. I was too busy thinking about the next item on my list.

This confession may help explain why it has taken over twenty-five years for this site to get published and figure out why I am here.

Some Needed Background

Twenty-five years ago, I heard God ask me to create this site. I did not hear Him audibly. Rather someone whispered in my ear. My response? Detailed explanations for why I couldn’t do it. In other words, a bunch of excuses.

This happened during a time I lost my job. Don’t feel bad, God was trying to shake me up. I know it was God for two reasons. First, even though I was fired, my manager could not give me a reason as to why. Second, my termination papers actually said I was eligible for rehire. God, no other explanation.

With no desire to continue in that field, I felt lost. I was to the point where I questioned why I was even here. Through several turns of events, God related turns, I became self-employed as a technical writer.

Ever noticed God’s wonderful sense of humor? Term papers I wrote in high school always scored “A” for originality and “C“ for mechanics (aka grammar).  I began my new career not knowing anything about technical writing, much less having the skills.

You would think this would stop me from getting a job. Nope. Most tech writers average about 10 months of work each year, while I was never out of work. Each time a job ended, a new one popped up to replace it. I quickly figured out God was taking care of finding the work. I only needed to concentrate on delivery of the finished product.

The Beginning of eWritten Word

Once I realized people actually earned a living from technical writing, I went about setting up a domain name for emails. This was the start of eWritten Word. The name reflecting the technical writing aspect of the company but then giving Jesus Christ credit as owner. After all, He was lining up the paying customers. I was planning to use the site to advertise. However, with God in charge of the advertising, the site sat empty and unused.

This was in the 1990’s, when the internet really kicked off. People were starting to write online journals, which became present-day blogs. Being a tech writer, I felt the urge to join in. I even had that site just sitting waiting for pages and pages about nothing. And nothing did happen since I had no idea what to write about. It certainly wasn’t going to be about what I had for dinner that night. Thank God Facebook came along.

On the heels of my job loss, I also focused spending more time with God, hoping to discover who I was and why I was here. I always knew God loved me. But what surprised me during this time was the realization that I loved Him as well.

Pause For a Word of Caution

Before I continue, let me offer a word of advice. When seeking God’s help, be careful how you pray. God’s way of answering prayer is rarely the way we want Him to answer.

My prayer focus in the months before being fired was to have faith. Faith in God and faith in Him alone. My hope was that God would simply zap me and give me that level of faith. I should have known better. God answered my prayer by taking away everything I was leaning in this world and taught me to lean on Him. He did this by having me fired. In hindsight, I felt like a modern-day Job, minus the boils. I share this with you just saying in case you are also earnestly seeking God for yourself.

The Reason Why Am I Here

Moving forward to the present. Last year (2023), I was laid off and out of work again. After searching for a year for a new job, I am basically retired. Once again, I am uncertain my future since none of this was in my plans. I do seem to have found myself freed up to work on some of those nagging tasks that I have been ignoring. Twenty-five years later, I am stepping out once more in faith that He will provide.

Have you noticed that God is able to get your attention when you neglect Him? I do have to thank Him. He did wait twenty-some years of my sitting around before giving me another push.

I still haven’t given you the reasons why I am here and the intent of this site. I should finish this and allow you to finish your coffee.

In Conclusion

I have been on a lifetime journey to find a God that I can believe in. Over that time, I have made numerous assumptions about who God is and who He is in my life. I have frequently questioned what He was doing, both within me and in the world around me. I do not believe asking God questions like this is sacrilegious. Our questions and His answers are often the only way to clarify our own personal beliefs. My own questions helped me develop a list of Personal Core Beliefs that guide me to this day.

As for questioning God, He can handle anything I can throw at Him. If you doubt that, open up the Book of Job. He wants us to ask questions. He wants to get involved in our lives. More importantly, He wants to share the answers to those questions. After all, only God truly knows why either of us are here.

This site serves as a journal of sorts of my own questions to God and the answers I discovered along the way. I continue to ask new questions as new situations occur in my life. Please understand that if I am being honest in my writing, my beliefs will seem to change over time. They do not. History has taught me that although God’s truth remains unchanged, my understanding often evolves as I ask those questions.

I am not a preacher. I am not in the business of delivering sermons. My purpose is only to share my own struggles in finding my soul. Where this blog goes next, only God truly knows.